Farewell to Elmo Underwear

We'd like to pay our respects the the Elmo underwear who are resting peacefully in the sanitary napkin disposal box in the handicap stall of the Lady's restroom in the American Fork Costco. They met their end when involved in a terrible accident between Zack and some really stinky, slimy, yucky poo. We will miss the Elmo underwear and wish to pay respects to the dangerous job they had. They did a valiant job of covering Zack's unmentionables and taking the brunt of his "accidents." Farewell Elmo underwear we hope that you are happy in your new home.

Hot Dogs

Zack just brought me a bag with an empty hot dog wrapper in it. Being quick of mind is a must with Zack so I quickly figured out that he'd put them on the barbeque. When I asked Zack if that was what he'd done, he said "yess" the way he does with that little lisp he has. I went to check and sure enough there were all the hot dogs on the grill. At least he hadn't turned it on. Later when Chrissom asked him about what he'd done Zack said he'd put them on "daddy's barbeque."

Spider Man

For some reason, Zack thinks that spiders are called "Spider Mans." This morning I was trying to get him inside and I asked what he was doing. He was sitting on the grate of the window well looking down. He said, "Spider man." I went and looked down and sure enough there was a spider. He wanted to know what it was doing down there sitting on a plastic toy plate that he'd dropped down there at some other time.

Oh Flip!

Zack is the most coordinated 2 year old that I know. He watched his cousin Wade (who he calls "Wade's House") do flips on the trampoline, so he decided that he could do it too. At first it looked like a dive bomb hand stand but pretty soon the little squirt was flipping right over. Grandmas hold your breath, I know this looks scary but he really can do it, and does it every time he gets on the tramp. Tonight during Family Home Evening we were singing, "If You're Happy and You Know it do a Somersault," well Zack got carried away and tried to do a flip and landed on his head on the living room floor. He forgot he wasn't on the tramp. Ouch.

Zack's Weekly To Do List

Rub lotion somewhere other than my body - check
Give Maddie kisses - check
Dump baby soap on the rug - check
Make sure Maddie has toys to play with in her crib when she's sleeping - check
Steal mommy's keys, wallet, and cell phone to use in my car - check
Throw daily tantrums - check
Throw hourly tantrums - check
Check on Maddie during her nap, possibly climb in her crib with her - check
Practice my flips on the tramp just like "Wade's House" (Wade) - check
Drive my car - check
Put sand in my hair every chance I get - check
Demand candy for breakfast - check
Ask to go to Grandma's house - check
Get excited over Grandma and Grandpa visiting - check
Learn to spit - check
Spit at any kid I see - check
Cry really loud in nursery- check
Undress at church - check
Eat grapefruit every chance I get - check
Play with friends - check
Yell "Happy birthday Grandma Maddux" in Primary - check
Hug Maddie when she's sad - check
Wake Daddy every morning with a big hug - check
Go potty, no accidents - check!
Watch Lion King at least twice a day - Check
Talk about watching Lion King whenever I'm not watching it - check
Take a bath in Daddy's bath - check
Take a shower in Daddy's shower - check
Yell "Hi guys!" at the neighbor kids from my deck - check
Lock myself into the baby swing and yell for Daddy to push me "super high" - check
Put something in the oven - check
Listen to Big Bird in the car - check
Repeat the words "Big Bird" over and over until Mommy plays it in car - check
Use the word "no" whenever I get a chance - check
Jump on everything - check
Chase the dogs with something big in my hands - check
Eat dog food - check
Drink dog water - check
Fall asleep in my own bed - check
Eat a hot dog at Costco - check
Say "Oh my Gosh" - Check
Break something for fun - check
Get my own cups out but still drink from the dog water - check
Watch Lion King again - check

The Pros and Cons of Parenthood

This week I (Chrissom) was going through some old papers and found a hand written paper titled, "Advantages of Not Having Kids (Or Sarcastic Responses to the Question "Why Don't You Have Kids?"). We wrote this while attending an adoption seminar about six months before Zack became part of our family. As we read through the list we laughed hard because we had predicted some of the challenges that we would face as parents. There were 33 items on the list. Here is a list of some of the funnier items. Remember we wrote this before we had two children.

1. Don't have to share your dessert with whiny kids.
2. Can give people with noisy kids dirty looks.
3. Clean house.
4. No sippy cups with rotten milk under the couch.
5. No snotty noses.
6. Can pay attention in church.
7. You can walk around naked and no one ask "what's that?".
8. No squished cheerios in the back seat of the car.
9. Quiet car rides.
10. No Kool-Aid stains on the carpet.
11. You don't step on match box cars in the dark.
12. You get to sleep in.
13. No stinky diapers.
14. Don't have to eat mac and cheese.
15. No 3 AM feedings.
16. Can go to the movies any time.
17. Can watch the movies you want and not kiddie flicks.
18. Gold fish cracker budget... 0 dollars.

If we had to write a list now it would be titled "The Best Things About Having Kids"

Here is a sample list.
1. Watching them get excited about eating an ice cream cone and getting it all over their face.
2. Plenty of exercise chasing them around and keeping them from making messes.
3. Excited smiles first thing in the morning.
4. Someone that is excited to see you when you come home from work.
5. Someone to give you big hugs and say, "I yove you mommy."
6. Watching them learn how to do things for the first time.
7. Hearing them say, "Daddy sing it!" when they want you to sing Old Mac Donald.
8. Taking them to see the animals at Cabellas.
9. Reading Zack that same book every night and when Mommy tries to read the same book he yells, "No, Daddy's!"
10. Having them ask if they can go to bambas (grandma's) house.
11. They get excited about simple things like bubbles.
12. Listening to them talk to themselves during car rides.
13. Holidays like Christmas and Halloween are a lot more fun.
14. Having people tell you that they are the cutest, and knowing that it is true
15. When they say, "Daddy watch this," and then burp.
16. A baby that falls asleep in your arms.
17. They come to you when they get hurt.
18. They cry when you leave them with a baby sitter because they can't bear to be away from you.
19. When you look back at all the messes they made and for some reason you aren't mad but can find it kind of funny.
20. They always do or say things that make you laugh.
21. It is really funny when they yell "Ow my *****(private part)!" in church.
22. Someone who wants to be just like you (at least until they become teenagers).
23. They want you and no one else.
24. Even though you thought you knew, you learn how to love.

"I'm Cooking...Eggs"

Zack's been busy this week getting into things, spreading lotion on the carpet, throwing fits, and making messes. His most outrageous shenanigan was when he decided to cook up a bunch of eggs. Daddy was in the shower, I was rocking Maddie to sleep. I heard the fridge open and then some pans banging. I should have jumped up and ran in the kitchen right then (we are usually literally running to see what Zack is up to), but I didn't. By the time I got to the kitchen, his fun was going full blast. Zack had taken our large frying pan and placed it on the rug. He got himself a spatula (of course) and proceeded to crack each and every egg in the carton. Some of them landed on the floor, most of them in the pan.

As I came around the corner into the kitchen, I saw him stirring a gooey mess of eggs and egg shells just as if he was making scrambled eggs. I calmly asked him what he was doing and he said "I'm cooking eggs," as if it was the most normal thing for him to be doing at that moment. A year ago I might have flipped over this but Chrissom and I have become so used to Zack getting into messes that we aren't surprised by much. Instead of yelling, screaming and putting him in time out this is what happened...
I quickly walked down the hall to ask Chrissom where the camera was. He came to see what was going on and to take pictures. His comment was "at least he didn't do it on the carpet." My comment was "at least he did it on the rug I just washed and the floor I just mopped." Chrissom took a picture and cleaned up the eggs and said, "he used every egg." I said, "I'm not surprised." Chrissom said, "How did he learn how to crack and egg?" I said, "He's seen me do it, he watches everything." Needless to say, Zack was very upset when we took the pan and spatula away from him. He threw a grand fit and declared that he wanted to eat them. Here's the video of it.